In my counseling with others, I typically have students who are stressed divide their stressors into things they can control and things they cannot control. If the primary concern is within their control, we strategize actions. If they are outside of their control, we practice stress reductions.

Somebody I love very much (Nahuel) is in a very dangerous place (Caracas). A place where tourists from all parts of the world are routinely robbed, kidnapped for ransom, killed, etc. He is there for the next three days alone.

He is updating his facebook status daily to let everyone know he is ok. I am having trouble even eating until I see his status update.

I will feel much better this weekend when he meets up with his cousins and they go to a much safer part of the country.

And I really don't think that being from another part of Latin America makes him safe there. Our mutual friends in Argentina are also really concerned.

He had invited me along on this trip (the part with his cousins at Angel Falls, not the Caracas part). The main reason I chose not to go was because all the research I did said to stay as far away from Caracas as possible, and that is the only way into the country from here.

-A

That would be Detective Judy Hobbs, 21 Jump Street. Best cop show ever, and not just because of Johnny Depp.

Ok, this is a small pet peeve of mine that seems to be growing.

For the last several months, I have been spending most of my social time with a group of three other people. They all live about 25 minutes north of me, so I would expect that most of the time we would do things near them. What's bothering me is that it seems that unless there is a special occasion, it is always near them. They always say we should do more by me, and list all the places. But when the time comes, they don't follow through.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just being oversensitive.

WARNING: I really don't have anything specific to write, so this may be a string of non-sequeters.

You know how sometimes you spend some one on one time with a friend and just have a really emotionally gratifying conversation? I had two of those with two different friends in one day.

I had brunch with Keith. It was just the two of us today, which has become quite a rarity lately. Anyhow, it was just one of those great conversations where you feel connected and free to be yourself.

I was supposed to do a makeover and then have dinner with my high school friend today (we went to high school together, she is not in high school now). She flaked on me, which frankly is VERY out of character for her. And to dispel anything, she asked me for the makeover. I never even offered, as throughout the 6 years I knew her in our youth and the two or so years that we've been hanging out recently, the only time I've ever seen any makeup on her was when we all had to wear it for our 8th grade musical. Anyhow, I'm sure she has an explanation, but I was still pissed, especially because I was also hungry and waiting for dinner with her.

Anyhow, right when I was ready to scream, Ken called and asked if I had dinner plans. So I met him, and had another really great conversation. Within 10 minutes I was having a great time. We are planning a trip to (probably) Europe in October. Originally we said Ireland. Then he called to ask if I'd be up for changing it to Amsterdam. Which I'd totally do, for the chance that I'd get to see him stoned, which would just be awesome, though highly unlikely. Then he asked about Costa Rica. I countered with Spain, and then we both kind of thought Italy would be cool. Then we went to see that Life Among the Ruins movie and wanted to go to Greece. The final verdict is that we are going to spend an afternoon in the travel section at Barnes and Noble, make a short list of three or four places, and then hunt for the best deal.

Ok, I am so off track. Anyhow, my evening was about to suck, but Ken made it awesome.

So yeah, love the friends.

It's always a bit odd when somebody from your long forgotten past finds you online. Especially seeing as I remember almost everything. Especially when it comes to people I've with whom there has ever been any mutual romantic interest. So I feel a bit bad that somebody messaged me saying basically I was the best thing that happened at (insert name of exclusive prep school here), and I had to look at his profile to remember who he was.

I'll call him William. Anyhow, I had an ongoing flirtation with this guy which led to us making out at a school dance once. About a week later, he was gone and rumors abounded. Shortly after that I started dating Pete and all else was forgotten.

What makes William stand out, and makes it even odder that I didn't remember him, is that he had what to this day is the best pickup line I've ever heard. Our school was on a large campus with half the classes either a 15 minute walk or a 4 minute bus ride from the other half of the classes. The school provided bus service between the two sides, sometimes with drivers who shouldn't even be licensed to push shopping carts.

Anyhow, we were sitting together on a bus driven by the most infamous of the terrible drivers, when the bus skidded causing people to fly out of their seats. In all of this, William accidentally hit me in the face. He then said "Oops, I just felt up your face. Does this mean we're more than friends?"

20 years later, while the guy was long forgotten, that line has never been topped.

And he actually seems like a cool person who I'd be friends with today.

Never met any in person, but back in the heyday of myspace I was friended to a few.

Fuck no! Yes, it's possible I will get it, and if that happens probable that I'll feel like hell for a while and then get over it. Most of the confirmed cases are just fine and dandy now, and most of the deaths have been people who already had other things wrong with them.

You can only tell me that I'm going to be die victim of a pandemic so many times before I stop believing you. I don't know a single person who got sick with SARS, Bird Flu, Anthrax, Ebola, or Mad Cow Disease. I know at least two people who got West Nile Virus, and both are fine now.

Usually these scares come out around September, when they start selling providing flu shots for a mere $20 a pop. But don't worry, they'll offer an antidote soon. Because of the emergency nature, they won't have to do any long term studies on the side effects. And because it is a new and experimental vaccination, you will have to pay out of pocket for it.

The swine flu is a scam. Some people will catch it, a few will even die. Guess what, the same thing happens with EVERY flu.

I am extra suspicious of this one because it is from Mexico, which means more vigilante violence justice at the border, as well as more general distrust for all folks latino. It also give justification for shutting down our borders completely, which, while not as scary now as it would have been in the Age of Bush, is still a disturbing step towards Martial Law.

-CRbE

Wow, three questions in two days about the witness protection program. A little obsessive, but as I relate to that, I guess I'll respond to all three.

Choosing a new name could be tricky, as if I make it too reflective of myself, I could be discovered by whomever I am in the program to avoid. So I'd probably either flip a baby name book open randomly and find the nicest sounding name on the page, or go by a certain name that sounds so similar to my real one that whenever I hear it I tend to turn around anyways.

As for the question of who would be the hardest not to ever contact again, that's tough. That would be the suckiest thing about the program. I'd feel like everybody died at once. I'd almost rather take my chances with the bad guys, in fact maybe I would. I can't pick one person that would be harder than the others either.

The above also answers the question about what would be the worst thing about having to be in the program. As for the best thing, all I can think of is that my credit would be clean. But I'm on track for that fairly soon (well, 19 months from now) anyways.

So yeah, no witness protection program for me. I'll just hire a bodyguard instead.

Wow, is that a loaded question for me. Ten years ago I barely existed, and what was there could hardly be described as Chasha.

First off, when I looked at an old journal, I realized that tomorrow will be ten years to the day since Kirby (my cat) passed away.

I wasn't completely gone until around nine years ago, but the wheels were in place. I was fading away, but was too occupied with Stuff to notice it.

Ten years ago, I was married to Pete. Mom had passed away about a year and a half earlier. I was in my final semester of my masters degree program. I had just gained the lion's share of my weight.

I was stressed about my exit exams, which lowered my stress about what came next.

My daily schedule revolved around keeping my much-too-loved to acknowledge how sickly he had become diaper wearing dog alive. I would finally put him down three months later.

Ten years ago I was still not free of Sandy. Being two months away from graduation, I was also two months away from the breaking point with her. Not that final fight that caused me to kick her to the curb, but the point where I realized it was inevitable.

Basically, my life in California sucked. I loved the program I was in. Pete was good to me. But I never really made friends there, which if you know anything about me you know that my friends are the driving force in my life. I had Sandy of course, but that was even more stressful than being by myself.

That being said, I think it got worse after I ended that friendship.

Ten years ago I watched a lot of TV. Hours and hours on end.

Ten years ago I was averaging about two books a week.

Ten years ago I was compulsively buying things.

Ten years ago, I had already lost myself to the point of becoming so introverted (not at all my nature) that I couldn't carry on a normal conversation with people.

Ten years ago I was angry and would lash out randomly at whomever crossed my path.

I don't know when this happened. I don't even think I can pin it to a day, a week, a month. A year. I can, however, pinpoint the moment I came back.

I went to sleep some time around 1997, and woke up on New Years 2002, sitting in the upstairs hallway of my house in Novato with Ken and Rob beside me.








In Loving Memory...

Tomorrow at this time I will know if I have a job next year and what that job will be. I'm fairly sure I will still be employed. I'm lucky, as it's already been announced that we are cutting staff. I've heard rumors of who from our school is going bye bye. It ain't gonna be pretty.

I don't know if I even believe that we counselors are in any danger of losing our jobs this year. The cynic in me thinks that this is how they can avoid having people complain when they get crappy assignments.

I'm actually a bit torn right now. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm really starting to get attached to the school I'm at. Don't get me wrong- I still prefer teens to children, but I've learned to feel more comfortable where I am. Plus I love who I work with.

I had put staying where I am as my second of three choices. I guess we'll just have to see what happens now.

-CRbE

He likes me. He really likes me. Or at least, doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

It was quite interesting. The party wound up being myself, Steve, Ken, and this girl I'll call Claire. As you recall, Ken was partially there to be my wing man. When and if Steve showed interest in Claire or vice versa, Ken was to turn on the charm with her.

He didn't. But that's ok, because Claire wound up annoying everyone, Steve included.

Anyhow, my living room has a couch and a love seat. Claire immediately snagged the love seat, which she laid across, thus preventing her from having to share it. This actually worked out well in my favor, as it left Steve, Ken, and I sitting on the couch. Now, the socially comfortable thing for all would have been for me to sit in the middle, spaced evenly between the two gentlemen. I'm not sure why this didn't happen, but it didn't. I sat on one end squished into the corner with Steve barely a millimeter away from me. Ken sat squished against the other corner with enough room for Dom Deluise to sit between the two men.

Now I don't know if this was just that whole men don't touch thing, or if Steve really did want to be that close to me. But anyhow, if not for arms kept separate, we were practically cuddling.

And Ken, being the punk ass he is, had his cell phone out and sent me continuous text messages such as "Grab his ass and kiss him" and "Just jump his bones". Luckily I had my phone on vibrate so it was a titch less obvious (and I wouldn't read them right away- I'd wait until Steve got up to get more soda or something).

So anyhow, I walked Steve out when he was leaving. The following is what transpired.


Steve: Thank you so much for inviting me, I had a great time (gives Chasha a big hug)
Chasha: Any time. Can I talk to you for a second?
Steve: Sure!
Chasha: Ok, this may sound stupid, but would you ever want to go out on a date?
Steve: Maybe..(smiles).Yeah! Whatever you want. (Smiles widely)

Chasha: so...
Steve: so...

Steve: How about Saturday. We can go to a movie or something.

Chasha: Cool.
Steve: Well thanks (big smile)



Well, he didn't say no.

Here's my theory. Feel free to blast it.

I don't know how much experience Steve has with women. I know he has told other friends of mine that he does not date. I don't know if that is a recent thing or not.

I'm not sure he ever consciously thought about us together, but now he will. Plus, that initial maybe could have been him processing what was going on.

And since then, he has told a mutual acquaintance that we have a date. That's a good thing, right?

-CRbE

So Steve is coming over to watch Oscars (along with a few other friends). I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna summon all the balls I have and just (assuming I can get a few private moments with him) ask him out. No games, no subtleties. Just "Hey, Steve, would you like to go on a date?"

There are a few wild cards. One is that there is a new girl going to be here. Ken's got me covered there. He's volunteered to be my wing man and has specific directions on when to run interference. Hannah has also decided to come (she had been invited before the whole Steve thing). She seems overly conscientious of not pissing me off right now, so that should be fine. And plus I think Ken will cover me there as well.

The bottom line is why torture myself. I know I am taking the risk that he will not only say no but also not want to be around me anymore. But the truth is that it has never gone down like that with anyone else. And even though Steve and I have been getting closer as of late, he is nowhere near entrenched into my heart as Nahuel was, nor as entrenched in every piece of my existence as Ken was.

So I guess I'm trying to convince myself that worst case scenario is that I get a new best friend.

Not so bad if you ask me.

-CRbE

Ok, this is why guys suck.

I've known Steve (on and off) for about four years now. By on and off, I mean there have been times, especially at first, where we would see one another maybe twice a year. I can't explain it, but I always got these chills whenever we made eye contact. Until last year, it was never anything I held onto for more than a day or so after I saw him, and he's not the type I'm usually attracted to, so I didn't really think much of it.

The way I know Steve is that he is a very close friend of my friend Keith. Last year (a bit inebriated) I told Keith about my little infactuation. He tried arraigning situations for us to be in the same place at the same time. Despite Hannah's attempts to out-flirt me (how I didn't see it then?) I did get up the nerve to ask him to hang out a few times. We did, and I tried flirting. He seemed a bit immune to that, but we had fun and became friendlier. I made peace with being just friends with him and put all else aside.

Through random life happenings, we again went a few months without seeing each other. Then Keith broke up with his girlfriend and we teamed up to cheer him up one afternoon about two weeks ago.

Since then, he's been inviting me to all sorts of random things (celebrating his dog's birthday with just me him, and our respective canine life partners), meeting his good friend from college. They seem random, but we now always part with a specific plan of when to see one another again. But still, I read the book and saw the movie. If a guy wants something to happen he will make it happen.

Yesterday was the meet his friend from college thing. I had stopped flirting with him a while ago, but yesterday he was flirting BIG TIME with me. This included:

-Asking his friend to take several pictures of the two of us together (and he would hug me in them

-Nonstop compliments about EVERYTHING (including my thought process)

-When I bitched about how sucky most of the Jewish events were, he said that he's glad he went to the few he did because he met me.

-He told his friend exactly what I was wearing the day he and I met four years ago. I didn't remember. I checked my pictures (I had them on file still, but none of me were even posted online. He was correct, although he called my top raspberry and I'd call it more of a pinky-mauve).

And this was not just when his friend was present. He also had called me three separate times over the few days before that to confirm I would be joining them.

So now I'm back where I was, but worse because now there is more of a real friendship there. So do I stick my neck out yet again (since, you know, between Ken and Nahuel they accidentally still left some strands of stupid running between my brain and heart) or do I just repeat He's Just Not That Into You like a mantra?

When I posed this question to Ken, by the way, his answer was that if guys thought that way the human race would be dead. Interesting perspective, no?

One of the male teachers at my school is about to become a daddy, and recently found out he was having a boy. The female teachers were all giving him parenting tips. He left, and they didn't notice. They kept up the conversation for a good five minutes longer.

Sheesh, I thought this was long over and done with. After a blissful eight or so months without a peep, more hate mail from my favorite fan. Actually, it wasn't mail, but rather a lovely commented posted on my facebook.

Don't get me wrong, my friend Rob is one of my favorite people in the world and I love him dearly. Unfortunately, he insists on maintaining a relationship with Psycho, despite the fact that he has made serious character attacks on three of our close friends, myself being the third.

Last spring he randomly started sending me drunken e-spewage. This went on a good couple months or so. I hadn't heard anything in a while, thought it was more or less done.

So then today, I get a comment posted on my facebook, specifically on a note in which I had tagged Rob:

In it, in his poor drunken grammar, he says that I "forgot to mention my nastiest comment", that he found out from a friend of mine that I told people his secret about having a bad heart, and that I was the only one who could have possibly let this out of the bag.

This would be extremely talented on my part, as the only thing I knew about his heart today is that it was made of the blackest of sludgy coal.

I also have no idea who this friend of mine could be. I think he's hallucinating in his drunken state.

I should have foreseen this. Yesterday Rob was over to watch the superbowl and mentioned that Psycho was really mad that he was coming over to my house. He told me though that Psycho doesn't hate me (nor Wendy or Rachel, who he's also gone off on) as much as he hates Ken. I didn't think much of it.

Anyhow, I forwarded the comment to Rob, who got mad at me for not telling him what was up last time. Maybe this will be the straw that breaks the proverbial jackass's back?

I usually do my resolutions at Rosh Hashanah rather than the regular New Year. This is not so much religious, as RH coincides with the start of the school year (around which my whole life is structured) as well as is near my birthday, which is also a natural fresh start.

Anyhow, my primary one this year was to try to become a tad more green. My biggest overt change was to use my own bags when I shop instead of the plastic ones. I've kept to that, but don't know how to get around use of plastic bags for garbage disposal (and bear in mind my garbage involves kitty litter).

I usually keep my big one. Sometimes I'll put an expiration date on it.

Two years ago I actually did this on the January 1 New Years. I had been drinking a lot of crap, and way too much of it. I resolved that I would stay away from hard liquor (wine was still ok) until cinco de mayo. I kept it.

No question there, I'd be able to apparate. I could go to Argentina whenever I wanted!

Ok, all I can say is HUH!!!???

I have a really hard time believing that in these trying economic times, many people who have never traveled by air before are suddenly taking to the skies.

Automated Check-in line:

-2 out of the 5 people ahead of me (not together) had not signed their passports, and thus had to start the check-in process from the beginning.

-2 people starred at the screen and did nothing until an agent approached.


Security Line:

-Not only did all but a few people not know that they would need to remove their shoes (c'mon, we've been doing this for seven years now people), but seeing all the other people in front of them being sent back to remove shoes didn't make it click that they may have to as well.


-Ditto for taking keys out of pockets.


Strangely, nobody seemed to struggle with the concept of separating their liquids, which is a far newer inconvenience and a rant for another time.


And while we're at it (Damn, Chasha gets bitchy when she has to be up at 3 am after a night of partying), let's talk about the airport itself.

-If you are going to tell me I need to be at the airport two hours before my flight, why do you not staff check in until one hour and twenty minutes before I leave? What was to be gained by standing and starring at machines for 40 minutes? I could have been sleeping.

-If you have several flights leaving before 6 am, it might behoove you to open at least a newsstand at that time. People need the water they now have to buy on the other side.


I really hope things are open in Atlanta. If not it's going to be a looong day.


Feliz Navidad

-CRbE

Freedom. I hope Obama can (and will) turn the tide, but he is only one person and an enormous amount of damage has already been done.

As I was never a very physically coordinated kid, I usually sucked at gym in general. Our teacher had a tendency to create his own games. The class favorite was a game called Poison, which was basically dodgeball but instead of teams, it was every man for himself, and there were no "sides". You could be anywhere in the gym. If you got hit, you sat down wherever you were. You could then try to tag those still in, or catch a ball and throw it at somebody.

I used to get hit on purpose so I could stop playing.

The best BY FAR was the one day per year that we got to play with the giant parachute. I still don't know why we couldn't have done that more often.